Children and young people can experience many circumstances that affect their sense of safety, stability and connection. These may include family separation, domestic and family violence, grief and loss, illness, injury, abuse, changes in caregivers, natural disasters or other unexpected and distressing events.
Children do not always have the words to explain what has happened or how they feel. Their distress may instead be communicated through their behaviour, play, relationships, physical symptoms or changes in everyday functioning.
With the support of safe adults and appropriate counselling, children can begin to make sense of their experiences, rebuild a sense of safety and develop ways to manage difficult thoughts, feelings and body responses.
How can challenging experiences affect children?
Every child responds differently. Their response may be influenced by their age, developmental stage, relationships, communication abilities, previous experiences and the support available to them.
Some children show signs of distress soon after an experience. Others may initially seem unaffected, with changes becoming noticeable later. A child may also move between periods of coping well and times when they require greater reassurance or support.
Possible signs that a child may be having difficulty include:
- Increased worry, fearfulness or separation anxiety
- Difficulty sleeping or experiencing nightmares
- Irritability, anger or emotional outbursts
- Withdrawal from family, friends or usual activities
- Difficulty concentrating or changes in school performance
- Regression in previously developed skills
- Increased clinginess or reassurance-seeking
- Physical complaints such as headaches or stomach aches
- Changes in appetite
- Avoidance of particular people, places or situations
- Repetitive play involving frightening or distressing themes
- Appearing constantly alert or easily startled
- Feelings of guilt, shame or responsibility
- Risk-taking, self-harm or expressions of hopelessness
These responses do not necessarily mean that a child has developed a mental health condition. They may be understandable attempts to cope with circumstances that have felt confusing, overwhelming or unsafe.
Looking beneath a child’s behaviour
When a child has experienced significant stress, their behaviour can sometimes be misunderstood as defiance, attention-seeking or poor motivation.
A child who refuses to separate from a caregiver may be seeking safety. A child who becomes angry quickly may be responding to a body that remains prepared for danger. A child who avoids talking may not yet have the words, readiness or sense of safety needed to share their experience.
Looking beneath the behaviour can help adults move from asking, “What is wrong with this child?” to considering, “What might this child be communicating, and what do they need from us?”
This does not mean that children should not have boundaries. Rather, it means combining clear and predictable limits with curiosity, connection and support.
How can counselling help?
Counselling provides a child with a safe, predictable and supportive space in which they can begin to understand and respond to their experiences at their own pace.
Depending on the child’s age and individual needs, counselling may help them:
- Rebuild a sense of safety and predictability
- Identify and express thoughts, feelings and body sensations
- Understand their responses to stressful experiences
- Reduce feelings of guilt, shame or self-blame
- Develop emotional regulation and coping strategies
- Strengthen their relationships with safe and supportive adults
- Communicate their needs more effectively
- Build confidence, identity and hope
- Return to everyday routines, relationships and activities
- Develop a sense of control over what happens next
Counselling is not about making a child forget what happened. It is about helping them feel less overwhelmed by their experiences and more able to participate in everyday life.
Does my child have to talk about what happened?
No. Children should not be pressured to immediately describe or repeatedly retell a distressing experience. Some children find direct conversation helpful. Others communicate more comfortably through:
- Play
- Drawing and creative activities
- Stories and metaphors
- Games
- Movement
- Sensory activities
- Visual resources
- Age-appropriate conversations
A child’s counselling sessions should be adapted to their developmental level, communication style and readiness. Early sessions may focus primarily on developing trust, strengthening emotional safety and helping the child feel comfortable with the clinician.
Counselling is not about forcing disclosure. It is about creating the conditions in which a child feels safe enough to communicate, understand and recover.
What happens during counselling?
The counselling process will look different for every child. It will usually begin with a parent or caregiver consultation to understand:
- The child’s current circumstances
- Their developmental and family history
- Changes that have been noticed at home or school
- The child’s existing strengths and relationships
- Current safety or wellbeing concerns
- The family’s priorities for support
The clinician will then spend time getting to know the child and establishing a safe, predictable therapeutic relationship.
Sessions may focus on emotional literacy, regulation, coping skills, relationships, identity, communication, problem-solving or understanding the child’s responses to what has occurred. The clinician will regularly review the child’s progress and adjust the approach as their needs change.
The role of parents and caregivers
Children recover within relationships. The involvement of a safe parent or caregiver is therefore often an important part of counselling.
Depending on the child’s age and circumstances, caregiver involvement may include:
- Helping the clinician understand the child’s experiences and behaviour
- Learning how significant stress can affect children
- Developing supportive responses for use at home
- Strengthening routines and predictability
- Practising co-regulation strategies
- Supporting communication without pressuring the child
- Participating in joint sessions where appropriate
- Collaborating with the child’s school or other professionals
Caregivers may also need their own support. It can be difficult to remain emotionally available to a child while managing your own grief, fear, exhaustion or stress. Seeking support for yourself can strengthen your capacity to support your child.
How can families support children at home?
Helpful responses may include:
- Maintaining familiar routines wherever possible
- Providing clear and honest explanations using age-appropriate language
- Reassuring the child that they are cared for and not to blame
- Allowing feelings without expecting the child to talk before they are ready
- Gently noticing and naming emotions
- Offering predictable choices to restore a sense of control
- Spending calm and enjoyable time together
- Preparing the child for changes and transitions
- Letting the school or preschool know when additional support may be needed
- Reducing unnecessary exposure to distressing adult conversations or media
- Seeking professional support when concerns persist
Children do not need a perfect response from the adults around them. They benefit from adults who are safe, consistent, emotionally available and willing to seek help when needed.
When should we consider counselling?
Counselling may be helpful when:
- Distress is persistent, intense or worsening
- Changes are affecting sleep, learning, relationships or daily routines
- The child is avoiding important people, places or activities
- Behaviour has changed significantly
- The child appears overwhelmed by reminders of what happened
- The child expresses guilt, hopelessness or responsibility
- The family is unsure how to respond
- The child asks to speak with someone outside the family
- There are concerns about self-harm or safety
Families do not need to wait until a child is in crisis. Early support can help caregivers understand the child’s responses and introduce helpful strategies before difficulties become more established.
Counselling at The Daisy Clinic
The Daisy Clinic provides child-centred counselling and psychological support for children and young people following challenging or distressing circumstances.
Support is tailored to the child’s age, developmental profile, communication style, relationships and individual circumstances. Where appropriate, we collaborate with parents, caregivers, schools and other members of the child’s support team.
Our focus is on helping children feel safe, understood and supported while developing the skills and relationships they need to move forward.
Contact The Daisy Clinic to discuss your child’s needs and the most appropriate support pathway.
Urgent support
Counselling appointments are not an emergency or crisis service.
- If a child or another person is in immediate danger, call 000.
- For domestic, family or sexual violence support, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or text 0458 737 732.
- Children and young people can contact Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800, 24 hours a day.
- If you believe a child in NSW is at risk of significant harm, contact the NSW Child Protection Helpline on 132 111.
